Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
