I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
