i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
