we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
