i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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