Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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