But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
