You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
