In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
