why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
