oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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