The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
