Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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