what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
