things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
