And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
