Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
