So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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