there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
