His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
