Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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