Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just tell him i said nine months
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
