some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize