I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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