2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
