I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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