Just fell off a train. Bad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
