Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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