No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i barfeds in our rink
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
