I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
