I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
