I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
