So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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