Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
