Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you had me at cake vodka
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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