I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Bring me that man meat
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
