Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
