worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
