I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
