I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
