my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Semen is not good for contacts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
