Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
