apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
