IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
