we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
