I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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