so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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