so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
