I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
