i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
