Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need to get me chipped asap
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
