Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
